people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
