I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
