I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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