my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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