dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
