How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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