I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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