My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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