I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
