So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The beer is more important than you right now.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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