well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
