He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
