my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Randomize
