God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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