she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I wear drunk well.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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