Plan B is the new Plan A
I think im going to throw up on grandma
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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