I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
