Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize