new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize