So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
