If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
