Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
