is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
