Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
