Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize