i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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