I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
