I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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