so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
