Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
