You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
