I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
