good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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