I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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