Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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