I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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