that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
