onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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