first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize