are you still at the devil's house?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
