the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
