Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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