I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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