if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
