Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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