Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
