The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sext me about skeletons
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
How naked do you want me to be?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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