My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
