well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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