bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
