well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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