I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
