I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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