You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize