Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize