is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Randomize