I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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