genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
try to milk me bitch
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