I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
