the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
