I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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