he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You ruined the universe
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
