you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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