I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just puked most of my soul out..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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