Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
