She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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